I Wonder?

I love being out in the garden on warm summer mornings. On one such morning, I was out in the yard going from bed to bed, looking for weeds to pull and plants to move because of crowding. (My husband calls me his “hummingbird” because I go from plant to plant like one.) I hate to just pull them if I can find another place for them to develop and grow. Even if I have to give them away on Craig’s list or to friends, I just hate seeing them go to waste. I came upon a cosmos plant about six inches tall. It was growing right out of a crack between two pieces of flagstone in the middle of a path that is heavily traveled. It looked like it had been stepped on many times and was leaning a bit because of the abuse of the heavy foot traffic.

I sat down on the flagstone to get a better look at the cosmos to see if it was worth saving. Because they grow so prolific around our property, I wasn’t sure if it was worth the trouble to dig it up and move it to a new spot. In closer examination, the poor little plant was badly abused, yet it still had a small bud on it trying to bloom. I was amazed, to say the least, but the weather was very hot at that time and transplanting this plant meant some extra care to get it to take in its new spot. Just digging it up would damage the roots and possibly kill the tiny plant if I didn’t take extreme care in the whole operation.

As I sat in thought, pondering what would be the fate of the little cosmos, I gazed around the yard, spying out what sight would be best suited for this little guy to grow and flourish. I spotted a great place that had afternoon shade and plenty of room for the cosmos to grow tall and bloom well and that would still give me access to prune spent flowers and tie up top-heavy stems. I could see this being the future for that little plant because, in years past, some of my best plants gained 9 feet in height because they had the best conditions to do so. Leaving that little cosmos in the flagstone, in the middle of the garden path would be certain death, by abuse from us walking on it, a lack of water and too much sun. I decided that I would give it a chance to grow and flourish, blooming in all its beauty, producing more seeds for next year’s garden.


I wonder what it would be like to have not grown up in an abusive home? When I die and go to heaven, will God give me another chance to grow up as a little girl in a happy, loving family? Will I never be able to experience the joy of sitting on my mommy’s lap, rocking me in the comfort of her arms or the welcome hug and laughter that only a father could provide? Because of the abuse of alcohol by my father and the resentment of my mother, my siblings and I never knew what loving parents were. We existed as trampled on kids who were in the way of selfish people. It wasn’t until God carefully plucked me out, between the cracks of my home life and planted me in a place where I could grow, that I experienced love on multiple levels.

I got out and away from a place that I wasn’t ever going to grow and flourish the way that I should, but the life that I left had behind followed me for some time. The pain, the memories, the lack of knowledge on how I should let people treat me was lacking. I grew up really fast, but there were, and maybe still are some hard edges that needed to be sanded off because of my self-preservation mode that I adopted quickly after I had left home.

Cosmos Flowers2

Here I am, decades later, so glad that God had found me and cared for me in a way that caused me to heal from all the things that could have steered my life into a much different direction. The hate, anger, and bitterness toward my parents was released early on and the cycle of abuse broken by the love of God in my life. It took a while and some extreme care on God’s part for me to trust Him enough expose my wounds so that God could treat them with His healing salve of grace, and allow time to heal them. I still have scars, but they now are a reminder of how much God loves me instead of how bad life was. Now I can extend that same grace and love towards others, so they too can grow and thrive under His care.

Have you got wounds that have yet to heal or keep getting re-opened by your mind or others? There is no quick fix, but there is a way to heal those wounds and live a better life. It’s called “giving your life to Christ.” He IS the answer that you’re looking for. He is the solution to the change that needs to come. Will you trust your life to Him? Will you give Him a chance to dig you up and re-plant you into a better place where you can grow and thrive? All it takes is asking Him to come into your heart and make it new. To ask him to forgive you for resisting His love in your life. Ask Him to show you His ways so that you can be healed and grow.

About Annie Stevens

I've been through hell and back and I'm here to proclaim that "You can get through it!" Just keep going. If you're not dead, you're not done! My blog is from a Gardener's perspective. I want the reader to see that there is purpose in nature and that purpose is to help you navigate through life to find your own purpose. I've done a lot of different things over the last 50 some odd years and I hope by my story, you can find hope where there seems like there is no hope.
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2 Responses to I Wonder?

  1. Judy Hunt Sanders says:

    I wish we could have been there for each other..but since it wasn’t God’s will, and He knows best,.He placed you where you are suppose to be..you are an inspiration to me and I’m sure others. I love you Annie..my sister..so proud of who you are. I hope to someday feel the peace within myself as much as you have or close to it..May you always know God is holding your hand and heart.


  2. Kris Hebbel says:

    Thank you! You will now be my little Cosmo!


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